I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
pray to the hookup gods
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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