While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
