Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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