Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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