I'll bet she douches with gravy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
