she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
