Where did you get a picture of my penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
