WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
