There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
