I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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