her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
