We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
