So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
