Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
