its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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