i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
