I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
