i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
