so that wasnt chicken after all
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
