Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Drake has all the answers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize