i think i have two assholes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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You. Win. At. Life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
