If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
