i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
