i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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