go do what you do best...puke behind churches
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
