Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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