hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
