You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
