Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
