Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
