a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's official drugs can't kill me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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