You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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