WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
