so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
