i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
