Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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