I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
