i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
