I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
