I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
