You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
third nipple confirmed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
BRING THE BAGELS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
