Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
