This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
