Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
