Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
