Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
