You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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