She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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