beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
