I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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